Shannis Reacts: The Walking Dead, S7 Ep 3, “The Cell”
SPOILERS.
SPOILERS.
STILL SPOILERS.
This episode is called “The Cell” and I am super sad already because I think that means DARYL’S CELL.
Like, NO ONE should cage all the manly goodness that is Daryl.
It hasn’t even started and I am depressed and nervous.
Just rewatched the last ten minutes of last week’s. King Ezekiel is DEFINITELY hitting on Carol with that pomegranate.
“Who’s The Boss” and a little Style Council. Interesting.
Dwight is making a sandwich by stealing stuff from everyone else.
That sandwich looks delicious but screw lettuce. Lettuce ruins everything.
That’s right, Dwight. You can’t watch The Walking Dead and eat at the same time. It’s high time you’ve learned this lesson!
Oh no.
No no. Don’t feed my man dog food.
And I’m pretty sure there were flax seeds in that bread. So if you gave this sandwich to ME, I would die AND be eating dog food.
I wonder what would happen if I told Dwight I had a flax allergy.
This is NOT what we meant when we said we wanted to see Daryl shirtless, assholes.
Ads. Some ad for a video game. Dishonored 2. Snore.
It’s cute how AMC still has movie marathons. No one needs that. It’s called NETFLIX.
Oh! A political ad. Interesting.
Back to Daryl. He is sort of sleeping. But they seem to be torturing him with terrible music.
I feel like Daryl has probably eaten dog food before this and turned out okay.
It’s really this crappy music that will do him in.
Oh nice. They gave him some clothes.
Uh oh. This can’t be good. Dwight has Daryl’s crossbow and he’s taking him somewhere.
Apparently there is a doctor in Negan Land.
And some woman who wants to be knocked up with Negan’s baby. Gross. This show is so super gross.
People kneel-bow when Negan comes around. Lame.
No, Dwight. You’re not getting the hang of anything.
Sigh. I feel like now we’re going to get Dwight’s backstory. And can I just tell you guys how much I do NOT give a rat’s ass about Dwight’s backstory?
Ads. Ads. Ads. Ads are the worst.
But not the Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare ad. Danny McBride calling Phelps a sea monkey never gets old for me.
Daryl and Dwight make actual eye contact. That’s not good.
He’s trying to find an escape route.
Negan is making fun of Dwight’s penis. This is so stupid.
And what a stunning surprise that there is some sort of thing going on in Negan Land where women are treated like whores and the men can just take what they want.
This is why people hate this show. Just in case it’s unclear.
Good god there are more ads than ever during this show tonight.
Is Dwight, like, secretly in love with Daryl? Riding his bike. Stealing his weapon. I mean, I don’t blame him if he is. But come on.
The chubby dude left Daryl’s cell unlocked. But let’s be real: He did it on purpose.
Now Dwight is in the midst of a bunch of walkers who got hit by a car coming off an overpass. And another one jumps down and lands on him. I would be more interested in this if I gave a crap about Dwight, or cared what happens to him.
And now Daryl has been cornered by Negan and a bunch of his thugs. “Are we pissing our pants yet?” No. Not really. Mostly this all just annoys me.
Oh. He was asking Daryl, not me. I’m not sure Daryl cares either.
So I wish Negan Land (The Sanctuary, as my husband has schooled me) was different in some way than EVERY OTHER PLACE our heroes have gotten trapped in over the years. But it’s not. It’s just some old creepy warehouse or whatever, and mean thugs working for the ruler, and maybe someone sneaking around behind the scenes trying to help Daryl in some way, and just nothing different. Like, dog food isn’t really super over the top. There’s nothing happening here that the Governor didn’t do. Or the people at Terminus. Or inevitably the people at the Kingdom, because I am a cynic and think the writers of this show are assholes and the Kingdom and King Ezekiel will turn out to be evil assholes too.
Also I just found out the Broncos are losing to the Raiders. So that blows.
Negan is talking again. Does this dude ever shut the hell up?
Why do people even want to live on this show? I’m seriously not convinced that we wouldn’t all just get to the point where we’d be like, ohhh, screw it, I can’t take anymore, and this isn’t getting any better, so I’ll just go ahead and let today be the day that I die.
Back to Dwight on the highway. And Daryl being beat up by the Negan thugs.
The woman who keeps trying to talk to Daryl is outside his cell talking to him. Don’t fall for this chick’s nonsense, Daryl.
So Dwight has cornered some dude on the highway that he used to be friends with. And he’s trying to get him to come back to The Sanctuary. But the guy isn’t having it.
This would be more interesting if we gave a shit about these people. But since they’re assholes who work for Negan, we don’t.
Ads! ROGUE ONE! I can’t wait for this movie. This and The Beauty and the Beast movie. I am all in.
I feel a rant coming on. How many minutes of show are left? 14? Let’s see if I can last without a rant.
Dwight shot his friend and has returned to the warehouse. This chick who is probably his ex-wife is sharing her cigarettes with him. They are having a bizarre cryptic conversation that would probably make more sense if I cared about either one of them.
I think the torture song is starting to grow on Daryl. I know it’s growing on me.
What’s the photo? My glasses suck, you guys.
Ooh, Roy Orbison! This isn’t torture.
DON’T FALL FOR IT, DARYL! It’s a trick!
My husband doesn’t even know what the photo is. He literally doesn’t pay close attention to any shows other than this one and football, and he wasn’t paying attention to the damn Polaroid.
So we are rewinding. We have been staring at the picture for five minutes. We don’t know what it is. And now I’m too irritated to care.
What did Dwight think, that he and Daryl would bond over the Roy Orbison?
Oh fun. A meeting with Negan. Don’t drink anything he gives you, Daryl!
Oh god. Negan is talking again.
Remember when all the annoying women who would never stop talking on this show finally died and it was really great? Negan is our punishment for being happy about that.
He’s still talking. Telling this super boring story about how he broke Dwight. Asking Daryl who he is.
Daryl won’t answer till next week.
Oh no. He answered. He’s still Daryl. For now.
Ooh. Now Daryl’s going to psych out Dwight.
Dwight’s friend from earlier on the highway is on the zombie fence now. And Dwight looks just as confused as ever. And that’s a wrap.
Oh god. Next week is 90 minutes of this crap. But at least Rick and the gang are back!
I don’t know, you guys. This episode was a pretty big snooze fest to me. This episode is exactly why this show frustrates me. It’s way too soon to ask us to care or empathize about any of the people who had a hand in murdering fan-favorite Glenn. It just makes me angry and makes me feel like the writers think we’re all stupid.
Which let’s face it. I keep watching, so I probably am.
