Our Slightly Inappropriate, Probably NSFW, Top 10 Reasons Why Game of Thrones Won’t Return Until 2019
Leaked internal memos from HBO provided to us by a source close to the production have given Sisters In Geek exclusive insight into the truth behind the network’s decision to push the final season of Game of Thrones into 2019. Following is a list of what we have concluded are the top 10 main reasons behind the decision.
10. More difficult than originally thought to find filming locale with base of snow 19 feet deep when entire planet in throes of climate change-based weather extremes. “It’s just not snowing enough, you see,” our source explained.
9. Bronn fucked off somewhere and cannot be located for pivotal scene involving a cure for being a c*nt.
8. Have to breed new dragons. Original dragons flew away to greener pastures after learning they roasted all livestock on set during The Spoils of War episode. (Our source couldn’t say more than this, given that he appears to be deathly afraid of the dragons.)
7. Magical locations used for filming only come back once a year. Upon questioning, our source cleared his throat uncomfortably and refused to divulge further information.
6. White Walker strike for better working conditions. Our source says the White Walkers demanded icy winds, freezing air, fewer craft services. Per our source: “Well, they don’t need to eat, do they? So they’re offended, like, when the actors are having hot pies and ale right in front of them.”
5. Direwolves ate all the sheep in Iceland. Again.
4. Kit Harington’s hair demanding better contract.
3. Iron Born conquered the editing room; currently using it to watch all 19 seasons of Real Housewives of Westeros.
2. Cersei drank all the wine. Production desperately trying to import more.
1. Tyrion very busy with “official church business”.
So as you can see, due to the sourciness of our well-placed source, who is totally NOT this corgi in a business setting, wearing a tie, there is just NO WAY that HBO can make this happen before 2019. Our advice? Rewatch the first seven seasons. Re-read the books. Read them for the first time. Make up some terrible fan theories. Fight with random strangers on the internet. Take up crocheting. Rescue a dog. Train it to be a dragon. But you’ll know where to find US in 2019.
