Game of Thrones Season Finale Predictions Extravaganza!

The man who watches the show should write the post.

The man who watches the show should write the post.

It seems like it was just yesterday that I wrote about how much had changed in the season 7 premiere of Game of Thrones. And now, it’s already time for the finale! Time is flying faster than ravens in Westeros, and so Shannis and I are here with our Season 7 Finale predictions. A lot happened in these 7 short weeks, but there’s miles to go before this story ends next year in a blaze of dragonfire, and one hopes, glory. Thrones finales are typically full of death, death, more death, an exposition scene, possibly a battle, and did we mention all the death? We fully expect to have all of those on Sunday.

(FYI: I’m writing in blue, and Shannis is replying in purple.)

(We both have thoughts. So many thoughts. And feelings. And stuff.)

Predictions:

Things That Will Happen:

Littlefinger is going down. I can’t take one more minute of his stupid smug face and I need him to die. My hope is that Arya and Sansa hatch a plot together to end him and then Arya stabs him with his own dagger while wearing Catelyn’s face and yelling at him for betraying her children. It would satisfy my deep-seated need for revenge against this ALL BEING HIS FAULT, as well as give the impeccable Michele Fairley a final Thrones sendoff. It would also probably spell the end of any sort of grip that Arya has on her sanity, but what can you do. Likelihood: Death: 98%. Arya wearing Catelyn’s face: 2.5%

Littlefinger has to go down! I can’t take one more minute of his stupid smug face either. I predict Littlefinger will go down, and Arya does the honors. Since I love you, I will cross my fingers for Arya wearing Catelyn’s face when she does said honors.

Honestly, Littlefinger dying will bring America together even better than the eclipse. In fact, you might say his death would eclipse the… okay. I’ll stop. I’m so sorry.

You’re not sorry, and you shouldn’t be sorry. In this time of darkness and lunacy, what do we have left but our puns? Our puns and our memories of Tormund waxing poetic about giant babies?

Dammit I want giant Tormund and Brienne babies so badly. Like, there could be an epilogue where they show where all the living characters are after the whole thing is over and they could be living someplace lovely and green with a bunch of gorgeous giant babies running around with swords and Tormund is getting them all riled up and Brienne is making that face she makes when Podrick disappoints her with an obvious parry? 

What, you mean this one?

What, you mean this one?

These scenes just write themselves. HBO should put us on the payroll.

Someone is not leaving the big King’s Landing showdown alive. My money is on Cersei, but I’m willing to admit that’s mostly wishful thinking. The more likely candidate is Brienne. Because let’s be honest, Sansa sent her because Brienne is the one person who truly will never betray her, and honor is worth less than horse shit in Cersei Lannister’s throne room. Also, there’s this little movie franchise called Star Wars  (you may have heard of it) and I hear Gwendoline Christie has kind of a big role in it these days.

Likelihood: Cersei Death: 22% Brienne Death: 64% Someone Else: 12%

Tormund Sobs Upon Hearing Of Brienne Death: 12,000%. 

The World Weeps With Tormund: All the percents.

Look at his beautiful face! Don't make him sad HBO. It's not nice.

Look at his beautiful face! Don’t make him sad HBO. It’s not nice.

The Night King and his new friend will definitely cross The Wall. I mean, he can fly now, so let’s be serious. An undead Viserion is coming over the top of that wall onto someone’s head. Probably some poor peasants or unsuspecting Night’s Watch folk, but seriously. Viserion undoubtedly has new skills to show off, and what better way to do it than finally defeating The Wall? Likelihood: 100%

I think The Wall is coming down. I think Viserion the Wight Dragon is going to breathe whatever horrific zombie fire he has now right onto the Wall, and stuff is going to MELT and CRUMBLE. And then the Army of the Undead will come in with more of those fancy chains and start pulling it to pieces.

The Night's King can't wait to show the southroners his big chains. They don't have chains this big.

The Night’s King can’t wait to show the southroners his big chains. They don’t have chains this big.

I just feel like the chains would be wasted if they don’t put in a further appearance. Since they were such a big character this past week and all.

Well, now I need that to happen. And really, why would the Night King be subtle about this entrance? The fall of The Wall has been foreshadowed since about Chapter 3 of Book One, so….

For real. I feel like almost since I first learned of the existence of The Wall, I also knew that someday The Wall would be coming down.

Daenerys will apologize to Tyrion for being an ass and an idiot. Tyrion will accept, with gratitude and snark. And then tell her that seriously, she needs to name an heir. Likelihood: 95%

Like, of all the things, this is the one that feels least likely to me: Daenerys apologizing. Ever. For anything. She might name an heir though. But whom will it be, Carolyn???  

I should have said apolgize-ish. More like an apology adjacent sort of thing. With significant looks and meaningful nods. Honestly, the sucker for a sappy happy story in me wants her to name Tyrion. So, I guess it will be anyone but Tyrion then.

I can’t even think of a likely candidate, just a vague “It won’t be Tyrion”. 

Oooh. I wonder if she got pissy during that convo because she thinks Tyrion wants it to be him. Poor Tyrion. 

Game of Thrones alternate title: Alas, Poor Tyrion.

The man who deserves to be King.

The man who deserves to be King.

Jorah will gaze moodily as the good ship Jonerys sails off into the Blackwater Rush. Not that I want that ship going anywhere, but alas, no one is listening to me. The creators and fans will have their song of ice and fire. And by song, I mean romance. And by romance, I mean tragically cut short winter fling, because there is an army of frozen undead coming and Jon and Dany have Hero Things(tm) to do. Likelihood: 4000%

Also I think Jonerys might have sexy times on that ship. Metaphorical ship or otherwise. God, it seems like forever since anyone had sex on this show. THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY, EVER.  

Oh sex is happening. These people are too pretty and much of the fandom has waited way too long. Sex is on. I’m hoping for positive, affirming sex with bonus slo-mo shots of Kit’s hair wafting. Did that get weird? I feel like that got weird.

The day needs his saving expertise.

The day needs his saving expertise.

OMG can we PLEASE get his hair out of that wretched pulled back thing it’s been doing all season and get Daenerys’ locks unbraided??? I don’t pay HBO good money to see Jon Snow’s hair go to waste like this, and I bet what’s making Daenerys so cranky is how tight those damn braids are pulled.  

Sam will arrive at Winterfell and Bran will finally spit out a series of sentences that make sense and are moderately less creepy. Sam will realize what Gilly uncovered in the Big Book of Important Information(tm) and then, well then he’ll probably do that thing where Sam gets really giddy and excited and John Bradley lets out that perfectly adorable grin he saves for when Sam has done something terribly clever and he’ll go running off to tell Jon he’s about to bone his aunt. He will not be in time. Likelihood: 80%

He will not be in time at all. Sigh.

Luckily, since Jon and Daenerys are likely not long for this world, they won’t have to live with the (slight) shame for terribly long.  Just one short season worth of episodes!

Also, they will be focused on the Night King and trying to save the world and making bad plans and then also worse plans, and then brooding. No one has time to feel guilty during all that! 

Let’s talk about the scene in the trailer where Grey Worm and the Unsullied are standing in formation outside King’s Landing (I’m assuming) and there’s an army coming at them. Maybe THAT’S Cersei’s betrayal: sending an army to attack them while they’re all supposed to be at a cease-fire during the meeting. MAYBE GREY WORM DIES.

OMG I hate that thought. Poor Missandei.

If Grey Worm dies, we riot. It is known.

He is basically the Daryl Dixon of this show. When Tyrion isn’t the Daryl Dixon of this show. (That’s a Walking Dead reference for those who don’t know.) 

That’s the other show with the zombies, right?

Also: Is Cersei really having a baby? Will the baby be a demon? I assume it will be a demon. But like a real demon, not a Melisandre-style shadow demon of murderiness.

She is either not pregnant or pregnant with a horrible demon. Nothing in between. I hope not pregnant and Jaime busts her for her cruel lies and ends this damn thing already. Because I am over Cersei and her Pixie Cut of Evil.

I’m convinced that Lena Headey is legit the best actress ever. Because remember what a goddamn delight she was at Denver Comic Con last year, and you and I fangirled and did the squeeing and had no chill and sometimes I still giggle in secret over some of the stuff she said, like “I love to be baaaad,” and she is so delightfully British and told us how she grabbed Cary Elwes’ ass and…

No. We are not remotely chill.

Evidence of our lack of chill.

I’m fine. It’s fine. Carry on. 

Good times. Remember how she had on really practical shoes just like you did and how validating that was? She’s awesome.

Things That Won’t Happen That Should:

Jon and Arya will be in the same room. Or hemisphere even. At this point, I’m grateful that they are more or less on the same continent.

I do want Jon and Arya to meet again. But I’m kind of afraid of how it will go. What if he likes Sansa better now???

Jon is the one person who will immediately treat Arya as if she is still, you know, Arya. His scamp of a little sister with dirt on her dress. That could make all the difference for her, you know? I just want someone to see her underneath her super cool stabbing skills and bag of faces and know that somewhere inside there is still the young girl who taught her direwolf to fetch and wanted a sword and ran over and hugged him SO HARD when we gave her Needle because she was really going to miss him and he totally understood her.

*sounds of ugly crying*

*sounds of ugly crying*

BIG BREATH. Look, I have a lot of feelings about Arya.

The Stark sisters will speak to each other directly and clearly about their emotional trauma and stop talking in circles around each other. Preferably over cake.

Will any Stark ever speak directly to any other Stark about anything that makes them uncomfortable? They’re like Connecticut WASPs, the Starks.

As a native-born Connecticut WASP I do not wish to discuss this any further Shannis. Did you see the sunflowers today? They’re lovely this time of year.

See, isn't this nicer than talking about your profound trauma?

See, isn’t this nicer than talking about your profound trauma?

As a native-born Canadian WASP, I love me some sunflowers. And! I will add to this list: Jon Snow will come up with a good strategy for something. Anything.

Well, there was that one time he figured out how to get more dragonglass…

Dragonass? 

DRAGONGLASS!

I will master spelling Daenerys correctly on the first try after 19 years.

No offense, because you know I adore you, but I don’t think you’re ever going to spell Daenerys correctly on the first try. It’s like my mental block against being able to correctly spell Professor McGonagall correctly on the first try (that just took me two attempts and a Google search, in the spirit of full disclosure). But you know — at least you can spell JAIME.

I can also spell Tyrion, Arya and Jon! 

Also you said cake, so now I want cake.

I just searched our entire media catalogue and we have no images of cake. We are failures.

That seems suspect. But I guess mostly I post photos of bread. And Daryl Dixon. 

Things That Won’t Happen That I Wish Everyone Would Stop Going On About:

Arya dying.

Tyrion dying.

Sansa dying.

Jon dying.

More dragons appearing out of nowhere randomly and without warning.

OMG YES to all of these things. What would be the point of any of those characters if they die now? Unless some kind of huge plot twist happens in the season finale, I don’t think we’ve been led down a path this season to any of these characters dying THIS SEASON. Some of them might die in the final season. Hell, all of them might die in the final season. But they are not dying in this finale. And I don’t think we’ve yet reached the reason for Jon Snow coming back to life after being ruthlessly murdered by a band of betrayers. (I still have feelings. A lot of feelings.) 

Girl, we both have those feelings. I can’t even. Those bastards. I hope they’re burning in all Seven Hells.

And look. I like a dragon just as much as the next super nerdy 40-something woman with a boring career and a kid to feed. But as crazy as the world of Game of Thrones is, I just don’t think there are random dormant dragons hiding beneath every large edifice in the realm. That doesn’t seem to be how dragons work in Westeros and beyond. There were eggs and fire and nakedness and things hatched and… it seems pretty simple. Right?  

Buried Dragons and Secret Targaryens are my least favorite tinfoil hat ASoIaF fan theories. Not everything is A Thing people. Just no. For the record, my favorite fan theory is the Grand Unified Tyrell Conspiracy, because it was pithy, well researched and it ended up be startlingly accurate. Those were the days — what we lacked in memes, we made up for in withering takedowns of trolls and malcontents.

My all-time favorite fan theory is the Ron is Dumbledore Time Travel theory. See how I can still turn any conversation ever into one about Harry Potter? 

ANYWAY. 

What do you think will happen on Sunday, readers? Tell us what we missed in the comments, and be sure to join us on Twitter during the show for the best snark in the realm. And bring some cake, we’re hungry!

 

Tin Foil is Syrios Business: A Theory For Sunday’s Game of Thrones Episode, “No One”

The Sisters in Geek love it when theories abound around our favorite things. One of our favorite things is Arya Stark. We had feelings about this past Sunday’s Game of Thrones episode, but have been soothed by internet theorizing about *ahem* what may actually be going on (because you know how in the Game, nothing is ever as it seems!). Our good friend Jesse Brake was one of the most coherent theorizers we’ve encountered this week, and he’s been kind enough to write us the following guest post, which we are thrilled about and know you will be too! Read on… 

images-2

Warning: The following article is filled with spoilers throughout the entire run of HBO’s Game of Thrones and assumes you have seen S06E07 “The Broken Man.”

 

“I see a darkness in you- and in that darkness, eyes staring back at me. Brown eyes, blue eyes, green eyes…eyes that you will shut forever. We will meet again.”  – Melisandre, to Arya Stark in Game of Thrones, S03E06, “The Climb”

With those words, the Red Priestess foreshadowed my hype for Arya Stark. She has already shut the brown eyes of Ser Meryn Trant back in S05E10 “Mother’s Mercy,” which leaves us with blue and green. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

Last week’s episode, “The Broken Man”, left Arya fans in a state of shock following a vicious attack by stick enthusiast The Waif. We immediately went through 4 out of 5 stages of nerd grief, watching Arya stumble through the streets of Braavos after having experienced the literal manifestation of Napalm Death’s contribution to the Mortal Kombat soundtrack, “Twist The Knife Slowly.”

In defense of a grindcore reference, vocalist Barney (middle) looks like Sam hit the gym after getting his Maester’s chain.

In defense of a grindcore reference, vocalist Barney (middle) looks like Sam hit the gym after getting his Maester’s chain.

 

Denial: “Arya did NOT let The Waif sneak up on her like that!”

Anger: “Why did Arya forget all her Faceless Man training?”

Bargaining: “OK, maybe this is a trap set by Arya — a stupid, stabby Haversack Ruse.”

Depression: “Oh God, the writers have completely forgotten how to write Arya.”

Well, Sisters in Geek have asked me to write this guest spot to explain why Arya might have actually retained her level in badass, how previous events have foreshadowed why she will come out on top, and — most importantly — why she probably isn’t the person who was stabbed.

WHY THE VICTIM IN “THE BROKEN MAN” ISN’T ARYA

Strike #1: Arya is without Needle.

When we last saw Arya in S06E06, she was retrieving the aptly-named rapier Needle from its hiding spot to presumably hunker down and prepare for retribution from The Faceless Men for refusing to kill Lady Crane.

Homesick, sick of the stick schtick and prick clique, Arya picks up her toothpick double quick: five times fast now.

Homesick, sick of the stick schtick and prick clique, Arya picks up her toothpick double quick: five times fast now.

Why is it then in the very next episode, Arya does not have Needle? Are we to believe she sold something of such sentimental value for the gold to pay for passage back home? That’s extremely doubtful, given her character’s sentimental nature and her reinvigorated sense of self after witnessing the play performed by Lady Crane and crew the last two episodes. Selling her sword at this point would be like if Dany decided to clip her dragon’s wings, or if Dorne started being interesting.

Strike #2: Arya Stark is left handed in the TV show and novel, yet does everything with her right hand in “The Broken Man”

It has been a sticking point (sorry not sorry) since season one that Arya Stark is left handed. It’s pointed out in her training with Syrio, her practicing in front of The Hound, her choice of lead hand with her stick when blind, and even touched on in a number of interviews by Maisie “Destroyer of Sexist Headlines” Williams herself. We’d link the interview, but oh man the ads are obnoxious on the page.

“Guess how many fingers I’m holding up behind my back OpenX? I’ll give you a hint: f*ck you.”

“Guess how many fingers I’m holding up behind my back OpenX? I’ll give you a hint: f*ck you.”

Yet in “The Broken Man,” Arya tosses and retrieves the sack of gold to and from the ship’s captain with her right hand and applies pressure to her stab wound with her right as well. Given the fact Maisie is naturally right handed and has spent the last 5 years learning how to do everything left handed for this role, I reckon she’d point out this continuity error. I’d hope the writers would notice too, but hey, Gendry has been rowing for four years so what do I know?

Strike #3: The rest of her mannerisms are all wrong.

Alright, let’s just believe for a second the writers and Maisie both forgot about the whole left hand dominance thing. Did they also suddenly forget everything else about Arya Stark?

Arya throws a sack of gold at the ship’s captain requesting a cabin… but in S04E10 “The Children,” after leaving The Hound for dead, Arya informs the ship’s captain providing her passage to Braavos that, quote, “I wouldn’t need a cabin.”

Arya immediately regretted the decision after discovering the menu featured white beans and bacon for dinner.

Arya immediately regretted the decision after discovering the menu featured white beans and bacon for dinner.

Why the insistence on a cabin now?

Also, let’s talk about something a little less subtle: her walk in “The Broken Man.”

In S06E01, “The Red Woman,” Varys comments about Tyrion’s walking style, how it betrays the fact he comes from wealth. It’s a mindset, Varys explains, and it’s driven home by the fact Bran walks exactly the same when he’s just imagining himself walking — as demonstrated in this gif.

Arya is a Stark as well, but has always abjured the aspects of status for nobility, lest we forget her friendship with Mycah AKA the butcher’s boy.

What do you mean, “one-episode contract?”

What do you mean, “one-episode contract?”

The writers have been about as subtle as a GRRM nipple description when it comes to the Gait of Thrones©, so it’s worth mentioning it could also be foreshadowing one of the most tinfoil theories out there (read below).

IF IT ISN’T ARYA, WHO IS IT?

I’m going to skip over some of the ridiculous theories (i.e. It is Bianca wearing a Faceless Mask of Arya trying to escape Braavos after it’s revealed she tried to have Lady Crane poisoned) because I refuse to think the writers have screwed up their own continuity so badly that they forget Jaqen’s warning that to someone, “…faces are as good as poison.” (S05E10 “Mother’s Mercy”)

Instead, we’re focusing on the one I think is the most plausible: Arya in S06E08 is in fact Jaqen H’ghar.

Jaqen has two main reasons to be out and about in Braavos acting all not-Arya and getting murdered:

  • Arya never unnamed Jaqen back in S02E08, “The Prince of Winterfell”

Let’s have a back in the day buffet with Sexy Jesus H’ghar. When Arya gives him his own name for refusing to help her and her friends escape, Jaqen throws her a degree of shade normally reserved for a jump cut in Rupaul’s Drag Race. According to the homicidal Faceless Men scout’s honor, a name given is a life that must be taken.

Despite escaping from Harrenhal, Jaqen is never unnamed officially on screen. Jaqen also never asks to be unnamed for reasons that I will speculate based on the character’s motivations:

  • Jaqen is near fanatical in his devotion to The Many-Faced God. Jaqen is awaiting Arya after their escape, presumably to be unnamed. Upon seeing Jaqen, she immediately questions how was he able to find her again and kill so easily. Jaqen’s response is, “Of all the things you have seen, this is your question?” At first viewing, I thought this was an attempt at humor by the character. After multiple viewings though, it seems the humor was meant for the fourth wall and his question was genuine curiosity. This noble girl wasn’t dismissing Jaqen as a servant or tool, which many highborn would do. Jaqen also knew of her list, making her a potential servant of The Many-Faced God (“You could offer up all of their names, one by one.”) Jaqen has experience with pissed off women as well, since The Waif said during the Game of Faces (S05E03 “High Sparrow”) that she is a former noble from Westeros.
“Jaqen is dead… say it again.”

“Jaqen is dead… say it again.”

With this is mind, Jaqen is prepared to one day give his life to The Many Faced God, provided it furthers their cause (as a trained Arya Stark would do). Arya’s list is filled with people who are causing suffering to others, all of whom Jaqen says deserve the “gift” of death.

Devil’s advocate compels me to remind you Jaqen said The Faceless Men are supposed to be detached from their targets, which Arya is obviously not. I would say one thing to this: given the character arcs of religious folk in GoT — namely The High Sparrow, Melisandre, Thoros of Myr, and especially the same-episode portrayal of Septum Ray by Ian McShane — Jaqen is more concerned with devotion to the physical entity of The Many-Faced God than to the organization of The Faceless Men.

  • And number two: Jaqen is actually testing The Waif, not Arya. In S05E03, Jaqen has a Jonestown Tea Time discussion of how The Faceless Men believe that death is merciful end to suffering. The Waif however, has no mercy, no detachment from her abuse of Arya. She hates her for reasons left to the viewer’s armchair psychiatry evaluation. Based on their beliefs, Jaqen wants for The Waif to make Arya’s — or his own — death quick and painless. Of course, we know this doesn’t occur.
Find out how to apply for low-income medical assistance at www.texaswomenshealth.org

Find out how to apply for low-income medical assistance at www.texaswomenshealth.org 

In fact, in the previous episode S0606 “Blood of My Blood,” when The Waif reports Arya’s failure to kill Lady Crane, she says, “As I expected…you promised me.”

Something tells me that possessive pronouns are not supposed to be part of the vocabulary of “no one.” Jaqen then remarks, “Shame. A girl had many gifts.” As a viewer, it would seem Jaqen is referring to Arya, but since he stated this after The Waif said ‘I’ and ‘me,’ I am speculating he is actually talking about The Waif.

If this is the case, The Waif has failed horribly. The brutal murder of Jaqen sounds like a perfect motivation for Arya to take the fight to her, which Melisandre has already foreshadowed given The Waif’s stark blue eyes:

“D&D: Can you give her the Charlize Theron ala Monster?” “Makeup: Say no more fam.”

“D&D: Can you give her the Charlize Theron a la Monster?” “Makeup: Say no more fam.”

 

ALL RIGHT BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS ARTICLE’S TITLE?

Here is where we bust out the Reynolds Wrap. It’s not a new theory that Jaqen is possibly fan favorite and GoT’s Boba Fett, Syrio Forel, the first sword of Braavos. We never saw Syrio die, Syrio is from Braavos, and Syrio states there is only one god: the god of death AKA The Many-faced God. Jaqen goes on about how a girl is no one, only an agent of death, while Syrio states, “Boy…girl…you are a sword, that is all.” (S01E03 “Lord Snow”). Finally, we know Syrio is a master Water Dancer (GoT’s version of fencers), and we’ve never actually seen Jaqen physically kill someone before, so we don’t know if he fights in the same style.

Since we never saw Benjen Stark die and now he is back as Coldhands, it’s no longer too farfetched. However, it would be a little lazy for the same totally-not-dead surprise to occur again next episode.

Coldhands... Cool Hand... Close enough.

Coldhands… Cool Hand… Close enough.

 So why bring up this damn near decade old theory now? It’s because of a single teaser image for this Sunday’s episode, “No One.”

Check it out:

Syrio

Credit to Reddit user /u/MegaBreath

Credit to Reddit user /u/MegaBreath

Honestly, yes, Syrio coming back seems like fan service from D&D for the HBO crowd, rather than some secret from the books revealed by GRRM like ‘hold the door!’ On top of what is sure to be a precursor for Cleganebowl (as we see both Sandor and Zombie Mountain going to Murdertown, population: growing, in the sneak peek), then the Bolton/Stark war, we got ourselves two action packed episodes coming up before the season finale.

In closing, I believe we will see the “death” of Jaqen H’Ghar this Sunday. However, the question of whether or not this is Syrio, and if so, was Jaqen always Syrio or is it Syrio just showing up out of the blue is one… I’m not sure on. Maybe The Waif is Arya’s Tyler Durden (don’t front, that would be hot fire). Anything is possible in a world with dragons, resurrection, ice zombies, and television writers willing to give us nipple armor.

Never forget.

Never forget. 

Personally, I love the idea of Syrio being Jaqen because it means we can finally put a face (pun intended) to Arya’s plot armor. Once he presumably dies in this forthcoming episode, it might mean the plot armor is finally removed for one of the major characters in the GoT universe.

Well, at least until that third set of eyes are shut… green, like the Lannisters are known for.

A special thanks to Reddit user /u/rolldownthewindow for gathering a majority of the episode numbers for this theory.

 

Jesse is a former trivia writer and current owner of Breaking BINGO. He has a wife and two dogs that occupy all of his time outside work, gaming, and TV. We adore him for many reasons but mostly because we asked for “something sort of coherent and it doesn’t have to be fancy at all” and he gave us this instead. Thanks, Jesse! 

  • Subscribe!

    Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 6 other subscribers