Our Slightly Inappropriate, Probably NSFW, Top 10 Reasons Why Game of Thrones Won’t Return Until 2019

Leaked internal memos from HBO provided to us by a source close to the production have given Sisters In Geek exclusive insight into the truth behind the network’s decision to push the final season of Game of Thrones into 2019. Following is a list of what we have concluded are the top 10 main reasons behind the decision. 

 

10. More difficult than originally thought to find filming locale with base of snow 19 feet deep when entire planet in throes of climate change-based weather extremes. “It’s just not snowing enough, you see,” our source explained.

See? No snow. Not even Jon Snow.

See? No snow. Not even Jon Snow.

9.  Bronn fucked off somewhere and cannot be located for pivotal scene involving a cure for being a c*nt.

I think he's right, tbh.

I think he’s right, tbh.

8. Have to breed new dragons.  Original dragons flew away to greener pastures after learning they roasted all livestock on set during The Spoils of War episode. (Our source couldn’t say more than this, given that he appears to be deathly afraid of the dragons.)

Oh yes. I can see where that might be an issue.

Ah yes. I can see where that might be an issue.

7.  Magical locations used for filming only come back once a year. Upon questioning, our source cleared his throat uncomfortably and refused to divulge further information.

Seems totally legit.

Seems totally legit.

6. White Walker strike for better working conditions. Our source says the White Walkers demanded icy winds, freezing air, fewer craft services. Per our source: “Well, they don’t need to eat, do they? So they’re offended, like, when the actors are having hot pies and ale right in front of them.”

Wait. What's happening right now???

Wait. What’s happening right now???

5. Direwolves ate all the sheep in Iceland. Again.

Our source became very nervous and cagey again when asked for more information.

Our source became very nervous and cagey again when asked for more information.

4. Kit Harington’s hair demanding better contract. 

Per our source, the internal memo related to The Hair contained the following stipulations: only red M&Ms in dressing room; Bumble & Bumble haircare products exclusive;  hourly breaks to be gently petted; The Hair only drinks Evian in the LITRE bottles, served at 47 degrees Fahrenheit.

Per our source, internal memos related to The Hair contained the following stipulations: only red M&Ms in dressing room; Bumble & Bumble haircare products exclusive;  hourly breaks to be gently petted; The Hair only drinks Evian in the LITRE bottles, served at 47 degrees Fahrenheit.

3. Iron Born conquered the editing room; currently using it to watch all 19 seasons of Real Housewives of Westeros.

 

2. Cersei drank all the wine.  Production desperately trying to import more.

I can't believe this isn't the number one reason why, tbh.

I can’t believe this isn’t the number one reason why, tbh.

I mean...

I mean…

She just...

She just…

She never seems to stop, does she?

She never seems to stop, does she?

Yes ma'am. Sorry ma'am. Right away.

Yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am. Right away. I’m so sorry. I don’t judge at all. I really don’t. 

1. Tyrion very busy with “official church business”.

It's a legitimate question, you guys.

It’s a legitimate question, you guys.

“Official church business.” Mm hmm. We see how it is.

So as you can see, due to the sourciness of our well-placed source, who is totally NOT this corgi in a business setting, wearing a tie, there is just NO WAY that HBO can make this happen before 2019. Our advice? Rewatch the first seven seasons. Re-read the books. Read them for the first time. Make up some terrible fan theories. Fight with random strangers on the internet. Take up crocheting. Rescue a dog. Train it to be a dragon. But you’ll know where to find US in 2019.

"Source close to the production."

“Source close to the production” indeed. Or Geordi la Corgi, the best Instagram ever.

Riftworld Chronicles Review

Riftworld-Chronicles

Riftworld Chronicles is a magical comedy web series. It has hilarious dialogue, and the power of Tahmoh Penikett’s belief, which is so strong that I’m sure Tibetan monks feel it when they meditate. A wizard is transported to modern day Earth. He enlists the help (sort of) of a magazine fact checker to return him to his world. However, she’s on a quest of her own to get a job as a serious writer.

Alar of Caer Caladh is a powerful wizard played by Tahmoh Penikett. I’ve always respected him as an actor, but his roles in Battlestar Galactica, Dollhouse, and Supernatural were all very serious. In Dollhouse there were some comedic moments, but it was hard to tell if it was intentional or a side effect of his dedication to his character. (No one can accuse Tahmoh of a lack of dedication.) In Riftworld Chronicles the comedy is obvious and everywhere. Tahmoh reveals himself as a comedic genius. The same expression that worried me in Battlestar Galactica, made me laugh with glee in Riftworld Chronicles.

Alongside Tahmoh’s wizard is Kim, a magazine fact checker and a true skeptic. She grounds the story with her constant refusal to believe Alar. The show even lets her have a slightly ugly side. She’s not afraid to abandon or use him for her own goals. For once, this is a rom com where the woman isn’t ready to throw it all away. In fact, her push for what she wants helps drive the story. Erin Karpluk does an amazing job of switching between laughter, empathy, and selfishness. She builds a truly complex character. She also may not get as many great lines as Tahmoh, since she isn’t a crazy wizard, but she’s a great comedic straight man, and makes the comedy shine.

The writing by Jonathan Williams is brilliant. For example, when Kim takes a picture of Alar on her cell phone he says, “Only a great sorceress could wield such an artifact.” The metaphor is perfect. I can summon kitten videos at will on my cell phone! And who hasn’t tried to upload a photo only to find that their mana is too low for such a powerful spell!

In most comedies where a character is lost in a new world or culture, all the jokes are directed at their ignorance. However, Riftworld takes the time to make fun of all involved. Kim and Alar take turns being shocked at the other’s ignorance. Also, where most fish-out-of-water comedies are awkward, Riftworld is written with such a light touch that embarrassing character moments aren’t painful, they’re hilarious. These are adult characters with self esteem. They aren’t crushed by looking stupid in public.

Right now my only issue with Riftworld Chronicles is that I need more. A lot more. They’ve worked hard getting investments and crowd funding to get this far. Now we need to watch, like, follow, share, love, review, and campaign for more episodes. We need to convince them to make more before Tahmoh disappears into another drama, and we never see his comedy again!

5 STARS!  Tiny-Alien

Watch Riftworld on YouTube.

 

Interview with Melanie Stone, Star of Mythica

 

Mythica

Mythica: A Quest for Heroes is a CONtv original movie that premieres online tomorrow (March 31st). Mythica is a three part movie series. The first installment follows Marek, a young wizard who faces discrimination as a club-footed slave, and her party of adventurers. Despite its small budget and simple adventuring plot, Mythica is a fun, entertaining movie. Marek may start as a “plucky” hero, but the complexity of her character and powers are something I’m excited to see play out over the rest of the series. Make sure to check it out tomorrow, online at CONtv.

Marek3  I got the opportunity to interview Melanie Stone, who shines in her role as Marek.

A Quest for Heroes is your first lead role in a movie, and you don’t get just one movie, you get three as this character. This has to be an amazing experience. What have you learned so far?

I certainly lucked out with this role! At the time I was living in Provo, UT, which is where Arrowstorm is based out of. I was definitely in the right place at the right time.

It was such an awesome experience! After essentially five months of filming I’d say I learned a lot; I was quite the newbie before this, so there was much to be learned. At the end of every day I’d walk away from set and think “Okay, so you weren’t quite prepared for that, but you handled it.” It was very much baptism by fire. Thankfully it was the perfect genre for me so I loved every second of it.

I feel bad for how much walking Marek has to do, given that she has a clubbed foot. In future movies does she ever get a horse?

Haha! Thank you for your sympathy! Truly it’s appreciated! Sadly, Marek never gets a horse of her own… Perhaps we can start a petition? “A horse for Marek!” I’ll have to ask Arrowstorm how many signatures we’ll need in order to convince them!

Mythica looked like it had some remote filming locations, and there were battles with spiders, orcs, and an ogre. What was the day-to-day filming like? Did the Ogre keep running into the boom mic?

We shot the entire thing in Utah; it’s a very versatile state! Everything was within an hour for the most part (aside from St. George and The Antelope Springs Cave). For me it was usually a 12-14 hour day. I was usually up by 3 am every morning. I’d drive to set, get my hair and make-up done and costume strapped, pulled and tied on… It was a complicated process. Then I’d run around in the mud, snow and sand (depending on location) with my team, battling whatever creature they threw at us! It was always an exciting adventure. That Ogre was a pain to work with though… No clue what he was doing.

Tell us about one of your first roles where you thought, this acting thing is for me.

I’d say it was when I was nine years old and I performed in a high school version of Wizard of Oz. In fact my oldest sister was starring as Dorothy… I played one of the munchkins. I milked that role for everything it was worth. I even tried to get the director to include me in the Emerald City scene because my munchkin costume was conveniently green. He said “no.” I said “your loss”…in my head.

Your character Marek isn’t entirely the pure-hearted hero. Were you afraid to show her darker side, or was that the fun part?

Oh that was most definitely the fun part. I’ve got a soft spot for fictional villains. On top of that I feel like most of us have a dark side, but we keep it under wraps. It’s nice to have a reason for unleashing it.

Without spoiling us with your future movie knowledge, are you cheering for good Marek, or dark soul-sucking Marek?

Both actually. As human beings we trip up, make mistakes, and find ourselves in places we don’t want to be. In film I like to see the protagonist lose it all, but in the end they make it out alive, and they’re stronger for it. It’s hopeful, and more importantly relatable.

 

Mythica-Poster2Mythica: A Quest for Heroes is available to stream for free on CONtv with commercials, or start your VIP membership to view without commercials, and get a month free. CONtv is a new online streaming network dedicated to fans of comic con. I have a lot of hope for this network since they’re already making small budget, Kickstarter-funded films like Mythica available for fans to watch online.

The Kickstarter for the second movie, Mythica: The Darkspore just started today. It has sound track, dvd, blu-ray, and digital copy rewards in addition to other items, as a thank you for backing this fan-funded series.

 

  • Subscribe!

    Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 6 other subscribers