Shannis Reacts: The Walking Dead, S7 Ep 5, Go Getters
Settle in, y’all. I watch this show so you don’t have to.
No, YOU wait. There WILL be spoilers. Because it’s a recap. Spoilers is what I do!
Damn walkers. Always telling me how to live my life.
Here we go.
Maggie! Someone we actually give two shits about.
She is at Hilltop, and the doctor is here, telling her she will be fine and the baby is fine. But she should stay till the baby is born, just in case.
Sasha is waiting outside. She had Abe and Glenn buried there. There is a nice moment where Maggie says she is trying to decide if she’ll stay at Hilltop, and Sasha says, “We’re staying.”
Jesus walks up with some flowers for the graves. He looks like a bad combination of Jared Leto and Michael McDonald circa 1970. It’s real weird.
Old Hilltop Dude shows up and starts bitching at everyone. He wants Maggie and Sasha to leave because they bring trouble with them. Jesus argues. Sasha argues. I don’t even know the end result of the argument but no one seems to be leaving except the old dude stomping off so… I guess we’re good? For now?
Back to Alexandria. Rick and some people are going out scavenging. That seems like a crap idea but no one asked me, so there we go. Carl is displeased.
Carl asks Michonne why she’s not going. Michonne is super cryptic, because she is Michonne.
Carl goes to find Enid. She is climbing over the wall. “I have to see Maggie,” she says. Carl is not impressed and says he’s not saving her anymore. She thinks she is more badass than him and keeps going.
Back at Hilltop, Jesus is helping Sasha settle into a place. Every time someone talks to Jesus it sounds like they are swearing. I realize this is just me projecting. Jesus says he will work on Old Hilltop Dude and see if he will let them stay. Sasha’s like, “Whatever.” Maggie comes back and Jesus leaves.
Basically there are just a lot of people coming and going in this episode.
Enid is riding a bike. And then there are walkers. And then it gets run over by a runaway car. But then it’s Carl driving and Enid manages to look surprised. No one watching at home is surprised, because Carl is literally never where he says he’s going to be (staying behind with Judith, not saving Enid anymore).
Back to Hilltop in the middle of the night. There is loud classical music and fires. Walkers are streaming through the gates. Sasha and Maggie get up to go help fight with Jesus. There is a lot of hand to hand combat and then Maggie runs a bunch of them down with a big tractor.
I’m confused. I don’t understand the Hilltop situation. They don’t seem to have a good handle on anything. I mean, when the outsiders have to step in and save your asses in the middle of the night.
But whatever. Now it is morning and Carl and Enid are walking down the middle of a road.
And now we’re back to Jesus.
Jesus irritates me.
I feel like I’m going to go to hell for saying that.
But he irritates me. I don’t like his face. Like, look at his eyes. They are super creepy:
Sasha tries to get Gregory (aka Old Hilltop Dude) to let Maggie stay because they helped the night before. Gregory says no dice. And then a gang of Negan’s thugs drives in through the gates. Gregory shoves Maggie and Sasha into a closet. Yeah. That’s a GREAT hiding place.
More Carl and Enid walking. They find some roller skates in a bag in the middle of the road. And then there is some nice music and Carl and Enid are holding hands, skating down the road.
The Negan guys barge into Gregory’s house and the guy leading their group says, “We need to talk.”
Nothing good ever happens on this show when people talk.
Luckily we started watching late tonight so we can skip through the ads! Evil Rob pauses on the little spinoff episode though. It’s not long enough to care about.
Back in Gregory’s study, the Negan apostle is looking at this painting of a dude on horse. And trying to make subtle threats to Gregory, all Negan-style. He might not be so bad, but Gregory is so super boring that I’m literally about to fall asleep.
Gregory is about to dime on Maggie and Sasha.
Jesus looks pissed.
I bet they are no longer in that closet.
Nope. It’s a box of Scotch.
And now the Negan Surrogate makes Gregory kneel in front of him.
Carl and Enid come out of the forest and see Negan’s men loading up the trucks. And then she realizes that Carl didn’t come out there for her. No – his plan is to go with Negan’s men and find a way to kill Negan.
Now we’re back to Gregory and Jesus and bickering and Jesus insisting that Maggie and Sasha are staying and then Jesus punches Gregory and Maggie tells him he better start referring to her by her name. I’m so confused about this whole Gregory situation.
Oh! But now Jesus is now explaining that Gregory was already in charge when he got there and he wasn’t really sure why but now he realizes it was something that just happened. That makes sense to me.
Sasha asks Jesus if he can figure out where Negan lives. He’s all, “Sure. No problem.”
Uh. Okay. I’m sure this’ll turn out well.
Then Maggie finds Enid sitting outside. Sasha comes in. Enid manages to casually say she got there all on her own, and not betray Carl’s plans. They are about to eat soup and sandwiches. Enid put the balloons from last week on Glenn’s grave. The three of them hold hands while Maggie says grace. It’s another one of those really lovely moments that this show does so well sometimes.
We see the Negan trucks pulling out. Jesus is in the back of one, opening a bottle of the scotch. And then Carl peeks out from behind some other boxes. And Jesus looks kind of annoyed.
So once again, Carl is not in the house. And?
WHO IS WATCHING JUDITH?????
Poor Judith. She didn’t sign up for this life.
And that’s a wrap.
On tonight’s Talking Dead, the Jesus actor is sporting a man bun and Chris Hardwick is reading dirty tweets about Jesus. Also Kevin Smith.
Overall, this episode was an improvement over last week. But almost anything would be.