Shannis Reacts: Movie Trailers
Do y’all ever watch Nothing But Trailers on AXS tv? It’s on like once or twice a week and it’s… well, it’s exactly what it says it is: nothing but movie trailers. It’s my favorite show. And in a stunning turn of events, I have a LOT of opinions about upcoming films! So I thought I might as well share. And the State of the Union is on so it’s not like any of us have something better to be doing.
First up, Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again:
The Mamma Mia sequel. Truthfully, I was not a fan of the first one. I was kind of embarrassed for everyone involved. But I know lots of you love that movie, and are probably mildly excited about the sequel. So that’s cool. And you know I’ll still watch it because I will watch anything at least once and because it contains the music of Abba. And it has Cher and Colin Firth. I’m a sucker for both Cher and Colin Firth.
Next, The Avengers: Infinity War:
Somehow I had yet to see this trailer on a screen larger than my computer’s until this evening, and let me just say, it gave me legit chills. It looks fantastic. I am biased in favor of the Avengers because no series of films has brought me greater joy in the last few years than these, but I confess to having slight feelings of trepidation. What if this is the one time Marvel screws it up? What if it’s a hot mess? What if it’s all just a bunch of random nonsense with nary a plot to string it together?
But then I think about THOR! and that makes me feel better.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom:
This Jurassic World sequel looks pretty meh and there is a 98% chance that I won’t bother seeing it in a movie theatre, but you can bet your ass I’ll watch this shit 98 times once it shows up on cable. Mostly because I have to know if Bryce Dallas Howard is rocking stilettos again.
Related: Every time I hear the music from Jurassic Park, I wonder if Tonya Harding is still a big fan.
So, to sum up: Anna Faris is in a new movie where some rich dude gets amnesia and she pretends he’s her husband to get revenge on him for treating her like crap when she did some cleaning work for him pre-amnesia. And that plot right there is exactly why we have endless sequels and remakes. Because this is the best comedy someone could come up with for Anna Faris. There isn’t even a moment in the trailer that makes me laugh. She was the damn House Bunny, for god’s sake. Why are we wasting her on drivel??
Maybe Bruce Willis in something called Death Wish will be better:
I don’t know. It seems a little more serious than I would hope for a Bruce Willis movie. I’ll wait for it to hit digital and watch it from my couch.
Maze Runner: The Death Cure:
I seriously don’t understand these Maze Runner movies. It seems like no one watches them, but here they are, releasing part 3. I’ve actually seen two of these and I couldn’t tell them apart, that’s how generally “meh” they are. How does this stuff get greenlit? Was it just too late to stop after the first one, or the second one? Like, “Well, no one likes these but we’re fully committed so let’s just push on through, people”? It sounds like the results of the worst business meeting ever. How do I get the gig where I just get to keep making mediocre crap over and over? Also, how do good actors like Aidan Gillen get stuck in these films? I hope he’s being well-compensated.
Hard pass, thanks.
Peter Jackson’s Mortal Engines:
I don’t know anything about this film but it looks super cool. Something about giant roaming cities crushing smaller towns. How does that work??? Also the Brexit jokes just write themselves. I’ll go see it.
And then we have Natalie Portman and our collective boyfriend Oscar Isaac in this film. Honestly, the trailer feels a little long to me, which does not bode well for the actual movie. But again, it looks cool, like a super dark and scary Jurassic Park. Also, Jennifer Jason Leigh — does that woman not age at all??
Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams star in this movie about a game night gone seriously awry. I find it odd that this film opens in less than a month and yet this is the first I’ve heard of it. It looks darkly comic, and has some of my favorite actors in it, so I am all in. There is some good line delivery right here in the trailer — “Oh, he died!” This should be a good time.
And finally, Ready Player One:
We are nerd women so there is no way we won’t be seeing this movie. But can we all agree it’s either going to be great or it’s going to be awful, and really nothing in between? Also I wonder if it’ll get the kids listening to Van Halen and Depeche Mode.
All right! Let’s discuss! What looks good? What looks terrible? Does anyone want to go see Game Night for my birthday?